Embracing anxiety and depression.
Lately, I have been stuck in my mind, stuck in the spiral of what goes on in the mind of a person that deals with anxiety and depression. It’s interesting how one moment, you can be on top of the world and then boom, depression slowly sneaks in and it’s great friend, anxiety steps in shortly after. It’s a constant battle, to have to deal with depression/anxiety. I fear it. I fear the feeling of anxiety and the possibility that it could lead to a panic attack. I can only hope that I’m currently strong enough to brush it off until the next time.
My last panic attack was just after the Thanksgiving holiday. One of my family members decided to ignore me completely, for reasons of her own. I handled the situation pretty well. I pulled my car over to a side street when I felt it coming on and took a few minutes to hyperventilate and ball my eyes out. This was mild in comparison to the ones I was having earlier last fall and I thank the medication for that. Recently, I found out there is a possibility of a big move/change just around the corner that I don’t feel prepared for. I feel like it’s out of my control. Will I be able to find a job that I enjoy in a new city? Will we be able to sell our house? Am I good enough? The usual spiral. I can tell, right now, that I’m on the verge of losing control of my thoughts and that is forever frightening. It’s nearly crippling when you’re suffering from a full blown panic attack.
Anyway, I just wanted to briefly share what has been going on in my life and my mind. This morning, while trying to avoid too much thought, I stumbled upon a TEDx talk by Andrew Solomon about the secret life of depression. It was oddly comforting, to know that people feel the same thing I feel. This is probably the best description I’ve heard on the subject. No need to watch, just click and listen. I also happened upon this wonderful app called Stop, Breathe & Think, that you can download for free. It’s a meditation app where you place your current emotions in the app and they suggest a few different meditation routines for you. A kind, pleasant voice walks you through a visualization and breathing practice that will pick you up when you’re down. I plan on implementing this 1-2 times a day. I also have been slacking on my diet and exercise routine. I plan to focus on those these next few weeks to hopefully avoid the dreadful spiral.
Much luck to you and yours.