I’m Late.

by blueberrieblues

I’m a week late. I’ve taken multiple tests that have only come back with two pink lines. This can only mean one thing – I’m pregnant. When I called the doctor to schedule an appointment the nurse on the other end of the phone ended the call with, “congratulations!! But, why? Why are people congratulating me when I feel nothing but pure terror?

My husband and I have batted around with the idea of having children for years. Our thoughts have always changed daily. And, since I’m now 32, almost 33, we decided a few years ago to stop preventing. To let life happen. This past fall I had exploratory surgery and they found and removed a ton of endometriosis. I’ve been on the mends since and just started accepting the idea of life without kids. We all know that life love to throw you curve balls. And, well, it happened, I’m pregnant. And now, I’m terrified.

The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.

– Matthew 13:31-32

The anxiety has always been a concern for me. Especially when it comes to the future, the unknown, anything that is out of my control. Can I do it? Will I be strong enough? How will we find a daycare? How will we pay for daycare? Will I still be able to travel the world and go to concerts? Will we be able to move into a new house? How will we ever pay for college? Will I be a good mom? There it is. Anxiety. The flow of constant what ifs.

So here are my reminders, my positives, my go-to’s to combat the anxiety…

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Just Breathe: Yoga. Breathe in, breathe out. You love it, it helps keep your body & mind at ease. Let’s get back to it.

Run, run, run: Remember the days where you used to run no matter what the circumstances? How it makes you feel alive and empowered? Do that. Do what makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

Create: Yeah, you’re creating a life right now but what about creating for yourself? Art is a therapy. Take a few moments to sketch, to paint, to create – to see something come to life without waiting 9 months.

Eat: Don’t just eat but eat healthy. The phrase has always been, “you are what you eat”, so get back to real and raw. You’ll feel better both physically and mentally. And, bonus! It’ll help your baby grow.

Be still: Enjoy the moment, breathe in the life around you. Meditate. Clear your mind and just be.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

– Exodus 14:14

I know I’m at the beginning here and I’m totally jumping the gun at 5 weeks. We shall see if it (baby) sticks. Do you have any tips on how to get through this? How to pick yourself up when you’re in a fight or flight moment of anxiety? Tips are always appreciated.

Love,
BB.

 

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