Pregnancy with Anxiety & Depression

by blueberrieblues

Here I am, checking in to share the journey of being pregnant with anxiety & depression. The struggle is real. And, I haven’t really found any honest reading about the subject so I thought I’d share my journey here. 

Stress at the pregnant woman

I’m currently 5 months pregnant and still very much terrified. Here is my journey thus far:

Month 1 (December 2016):
Exhaustion.
I spent most of the month binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. There were a few days were I experienced nausea and vertigo and the idea of pregnancy popped in my mind briefly but quickly went away. Around Christmas time, I knew something was wrong. Skipped period and extreme nausea. Sure enough the tests came back positive. I was ecstatic one minute and terrified the next.

Months 2-3 (January – February 2017):
Denial.
The beginning of the year lacked doctor appointments (ultrasounds, blood work, etc.) left me in complete denial. The unfortunate event of a miscarriage lingered in the back of my mind not allowing me to accept this was real. My mornings were spent over the toilet and my evenings and weekends were spent sleeping out of exhaustion. Also, note, I stopped taking 30 mg of Prozac and started taking 5mg of Buspar twice a day.

Month 4 (March 2017):
Anger.
The prozac has left my system. My emotions have taken over and I’m angry. I’m not happy about being pregnant. It’s not easy even though the world makes it seem like you float on through. I don’t feel like my usual caring, compassionate and loving self. Mid-month, my boss approaches me to tell me she is concerned and doesn’t know who I am anymore. For a few days, I was better and happier. Then, I bounced back to anger with sadness.

Month 5 (April 2017):
Sadness.
This is where I am today. I wake up and struggle daily to keep my anxiety and depression at bay. I want to run but can’t because I haven’t been running the entire pregnancy. Rules. Also, one of the annoying things about pregnancy.

I’ll check back soon to share my updates.

Love,
BB

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